I’m yelling tinder!

wpid-Screenshot_2014-01-21-11-21-53-1.pngThis new phenomenon called Tinder is taking over the dating scene. However, I don’t know how much “dating” actually takes place between the Tinderellas and Tinderonis that are swiping day in and day out. It’s probably one of the most shallow activities I’ve ever participated in yet I can’t get enough of it! It’s something to do while sitting on the metro, wasting time on the porcelain throne, pretending to work out at the gym, or when you just can’t seem to fall asleep [forget counting sheep!]I will probably develop arthritis in my thumb if I keep it up…. so much swiping! If you’re looking for Mr. Right you may want to forgo Tinder and join Match… or go to church [whatever works best for you] but it’s perfect if you’re looking for Mr. Right Now. Personally, I tinder for shits and giggles… I mean, why not? It’s definitely an ego booster when you get a match.

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Hallejulah! Someone finds me remotely attractive based on six random photos of myself [that my friends so lovingly picked for me]! I can finally get on with my day [just kidding]. Now the likelihood of me messaging the stud above is slim to none [because that would make way too much sense and I’m an irrational female] and I definitely won’t be holding my breath while waiting for a witty message from him. Gents, if you do message a girl, don’t ask her if she wants to “cuddle”. We all know what that means, and no, we don’t want to. Okay, well maybe some girls do [all the power to you girlfriend!]. At least buy me a drink before you try to take my pants off… Jeez.

Tinder also allows you to see how many friends you have in common on Facebook, if any, which allows you to Facebook stalk the cute boy thats nearby [sweet!]. This definitely plays a role in my decision to swipe right or left. Always remember, when in doubt, swipe left. I mean, do you really want to risk swiping right to the babe that’s Facebook friends with the crazy girl you used to be friendly with? No, you don’t… unless you’re me because YOLO [yes, I said YOLO. Get over it.]. So in that instance, I did swipe right against my better judgement because he is soOoOo dreamy [luckily nothing bad ever came of it].

Now Tinder isn’t all rainbows and butterflies… the one issue I have with it is that I can’t search for someone based on height. Sure, you may look good but how tall are you? How do you ask your new found stud muffin how tall he is without coming across as a total douche? Being 5’10, I need to know if I am going to tower over you when we meet up for HH after work, because you know I’ll be wearing heels which turns me into a 6’1 sasquatch with a pencil skirt. Tinder tip for all you single fellas: Put your height in your personal statement. Ladies love that shit. 

One plus to Tinder is that there is a plethora of options for you. I came across this gem during my swipe fest one day:

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The fact that someone like this was 5 miles from me makes me a little uneasy [sorry Joey!]…. Oh, and then there’s this type of guy:

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That’s a nice set of abs homeboy, but come on!  If I want to stare at picture perfect abs all day, I’ll hit up Google. At least Google won’t ask me to cuddle. And then there was this:

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It Aint what? Oh right… it aint happening. Next!

One way to spice things up is to let your friends Tinder for you… and it usually involves booze [obviously]. That’s what I like to do anyways. It makes for much more interesting matches and makes me feel like I’m living on the wild side… especially when I have tequila running through my veins. Just make sure your friends have your best interest at heart… otherwise you will end up with your roommate swiping right for EVERYONE [you know who you are!].

So to all you commitment-phobes [like myself] who like the casual dating scene, give it a shot. Make sure you stretch before hand. Your thumb is about to get a good workout. Happy hunting!

Ciao for now.

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