Tag Archives: relationships

Fight or Flight

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Fight_or_flight1In every relationship, there’s bound to be a conflict or two… or three or four [no judgement here!]. And if you say you and your amazing boyfriend never fight, you’re a big, fat LIAR [or one of you is being as fake as Kylie Jenner’s lips]. But when the inevitable arguement occurs between you and your lover, is it best to fight or take flight?

Just in case you two-legged mamals out there are not aware of what the fight-or-flight response is, here’s a little recap for you:

It’s a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival – like when you’re confronted with a bobcat.

  • PS. Bobcats may look cute and small… or like an oversized house cat but I can promise you, they’re vicious little fuckers. Just sayin…
  • PPS. I’ve never personally been confronted by a bobcat but that’s just the word on the streets…

Anywho…

It’s basically when that big muscle in your head, better known as THE BRAIN, reacts to danger by releasing some of your blood into your extremeities which causes us to lose the ability to think at a high operating level and we either fight, take flight and in some cases, freeze [kinda like a possum that plays dead].

Obviously, the conflict resolution success rate plummets when either of these reactions occur [or so they say]. However, if that’s how our bodies naturally react to confrontation, what the hell are we supposed to do about it?!

When it comes to my relationship, I’ll be the first to admit I grow a pair of wings and fly the hell out of dodge. Now when I was a young whipersnapper, I would always put on the boxing gloves and go to town [figuratively speaking, that is]. But in my old, wiser years, I’ve learned that fighting just doesn’t work. When does a resolution ever happen? Only when one of you gives up… or falls asleep.

When you take flight, however, it allows you an oppurtunity to physically remove yourself from the situation, clear your head and think rationally [yes, woman are capable of this ya big jerk]. Ask yourself a few questions:

Why am I even mad?

Am I overreacting?

Shit…Did I pay my cable bill today?

Damn, my nails look ratchet. I really should have gotten a mani yesterday.

 Is it really that big of a deal that he left his shoes by the door for the millionth time this week?

I find if you force the situation and don’t allow yourself time to cool down and take a deep breath, couples just keep fighting but never even know why they’re fighting in the first place [I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!! LOUD NOISES!!].

So go ahead and take a quick little flight but don’t stray for too long… Take a nap, a walk or mindlessly browse facebook for a little while until you cool down. Let the storm blow over and maybe a rainbow will appear… or just have makeup sex [whatever works best for you!].

Ciao for now!

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Stop looking, start living

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images I know I’ve written about the rules of dating and things you should or shouldn’t do to be successful in love but you know what? It’s all BS.

Sometimes there comes a point in time where you just need to take a step back and reevaluate everything. I think I’ve reached that point recently and I’ve found that I’ve needed to remind myself of a few things…

Stop over analyzing things. Just go with the flow. Whats meant to be, will be. Stop worrying about where life is headed, just enjoy the moment you’re in. Stop looking and start living. Enjoy the little things in life and stop worrying about the things that don’t matter. Be yourself and love who you are. If you love yourself, others will love you back. Don’t try to mold yourself into something you’re not just because you may think that’s what others want.

Love your life and the people in it. If you’re not happy, make a change. Take a leap of faith. You don’t like where you live? Move. Hate your job? Quit. If you find that the people in your life are holding you back or aren’t conducive to what you need, trim the fat. Do what makes you happy. Who cares if other’s don’t approve? This is your life – not theirs.

Take a moment to look up from your phone and actually enjoy your surroundings. Talk to people . Smile at the stranger sitting across from you on the metro. Don’t be afraid to do things alone (there’s something extremely satisfying about riding solo sometimes). Don’t take the little things for granted.

Life is too short to worry so much. Take a second to think about all the wonderful things and people in your life and stop focusing on the not-so-ideal things.

Is there a secret to being happy? No. Just do it. Sure, it’s much easier said than done on occasion. Accept the fact that there will be good days and there will be bad days – that’s part of life. Have a positive outlook. A wise friend keeps reminding me that positive thoughts attract positive actions and she is right. Life is all about what you make of it. 

 Just a little food for thought… Ciao for now!

Rules of Dating

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imagesAs most of you know, I’m a single gal who has dabbled in the dating world over the past few years. My first date experiences have ranged from something out of a movie, mediocre, to a complete disaster… but there’s always a good story to tell my friends afterwards. I have definitely learned a few things, the do’s and don’ts, if you will, of dating. Please do not take my suggestions as being the answer to all your problems [I’m not a damn magician] but hey, stranger things have happened.

Rule #1. Get enough sleep because dating EXHAUSTING. Not only do you have to worry about whether your hair looks good or your makeup isn’t running off your face [this heat and humidity is going to be the death of me], but you also have to worry about whether the stud muffin you’re meeting at the bar is going to like you [and if you say you don’t care what other people think, you’re a big, fat liar] or not. I bet dating would be so much easier if I were Beyoncé because, let’s be real here, who the eff doesn’t like Beyoncé [and if you don’t, GTFO!]. Her hair and makeup always look fabulous regardless of the temperature outside… Why was I not born as Beyoncé [thanks a lot, mom!]?!

Ok, I’m done feeling sorry for myself for the time being… Where was I?

I never used to get nervous about first dates. Never ever ever.  A few years ago, I was totally blasé [I sound so fancy!] about first dates… just about to meet with a prospective soul-mate, no big deal. No pressure whatsoever. But now? OH MY GOD. You would think the world was coming to an end [I’m not dramatic at all… obviously]. I run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR? I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR [as my closet door won’t even close because the mass quantities of fabric spilling out of it]! Oh, and don’t let me forget to mention that one time I left all my makeup at the office… and didn’t realize it until after I had rid my face of my day-time war paint [always want a fresh face, you know!]. Talk about a crisis… thank goodness there is a CVS on every corner. By the time I was dressed and had purchased new make-up [which I applied in my car five minutes after I was supposed to meet him], I was ready for a nap. I literally felt like I had just ran a half-marathon [not a full one because that’s just unrealistic]. So as I said, be well rested. You don’t want to be falling asleep in your beer.

Rule #2. Pick a meeting spot that is easily accessible, in public, and won’t be so congested you can’t even hear yourself think. Generally, picking a bar that is so loud you can’t hear your own thoughts isn’t a good idea since you’re supposed to converse with the babe sitting across from you [unless just staring at each other is your cup of tea]. Of course there are other meeting spots besides a casual bar but I definitely suggest you avoid meeting in movie theaters, deserted parking lots, cemeteries, or your mother’s house.

Rule #3. Engage each other in conversation. Don’t just talk about yourself. I’m sure your life is absolutely fascinating but so is mine. Ask questions, discover what you have in common [if anything], get to know each other.  I’d rather talk to a cat all night than listen to you brag about your awesome life and I don’t even like cats.

Rule #4. Do not, under any circumstances, talk about your ex. This should be self-explanatory.

Rule #5. Limit your phone use. Back in the day, I would say don’t even take your phone out but nowadays, I don’t think that’s realistic [I mean, how else am I supposed to Google the answers to the trivia questions?]. That being said, texting and phone calls are 100% off limits. Oh, I’m sorry… am I boring you? Yes, please, text your friend because it must be soooo important. I’m going home now!

But what about the ‘rules’ I haven’t figured out yet? For example, do you kiss on the first date? If he doesn’t kiss you, does that mean he wasn’t digging you? Should you text your date immediately after you leave to let them know you had an awesome time? Do you wait 24 hours? What if they don’t text you at all? Is that a bad sign [I thought it went so well!]? That what-if’s are exhausting… and now I need another nap.

Ciao for now!

 

What’s the rush?

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Wedding season is stronger than ever right now and I can’t help but think…. what’s the rush?

I’m surrounded by twenty-somethings tying the knot… I’m sure you’re thinking “here we go again…. she’s preaching about how being single is soooo awesome”… wrong!  Good try though…. but even if you are thinking that, it most likely means you’ve been reading my blog so high five, my friend! Keep on making good life decisions!

But seriously, what’s the rush? Aren’t our twentys the time in life to be carefree? Sure, the majority of us have big kid jobs, pay bills, have responsibilities [you know, all that boring adult stuff] but does that mean we have to have a ring on our finger too? Or [dare I mention] start having little mini-me’s? Some days it’s hard enough taking care of myself and keeping all my own ducks in a row… I can’t even imagine having a husband [or a child] to worry about as well!

Maybe it’s just me but the only thing I can commit to at this point in my life is a gel manicure that lasts about two weeks [and sometimes that even makes me panic] but the idea of being married at the ripe old age of 25 makes my stomach churn just a tad. Please do not confuse my strong negative reaction towards marriage as the same reaction towards relationships. Quite the contrary. If you find another human being that you genuinely want to spend the majority of your time with, who just happens to give you butterflies, go for it! Being in love or dating someone new is so exciting… but yet again… do you really need a ring on your finger to enjoy that?

Stop and smell the roses [unless you’re allergic], take the scenic route, take a pit stop… do whatever. We have the rest of our lives to settle down.

Go travel the world, do something adventurous, live a little. I can’t even tell you how many couples I know who got married straight out of college or soon thereafter who are either completely miserable or already divorced. Take the time to grow and mature before taking such a huge step towards forever. Didn’t your mother always tell you good things come to those who wait? If you’re in a relationship now and you’re feeling pressure from friends or family on taking the next step with your beau, tell them to kick rocks. Enjoy your twentys, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Be young and wild and free!

Ciao for now!

The Fade Effect

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fadeHow do you deal with a breakup that’s not really a break up because you were never actually dating each other? I recently found myself in this predicament… It was the type of relationship [and I’m using that term very loosely] that’s kind of like a really nice pair of blue jeans.

When you first see them in the store, you’re intrigued. Then you try them on and you realize they make your ass look fantastic so obviously you have to bring them home with you. Those jeans become your favorite pair of pants and you want to wear them all the time. They get worn in and even more comfortable and your ass still looks fantastic in them. For about a year [give or take], these jeans are your go-to. When all other outfits let you down, you know those jeans are there. They never disappoint and you’re always satisfied with your outfit while wearing them. You know those jeans like the back of your hand. Every stain, tear, and imperfection is familiar to you. Gradually, these jeans will start to fade. There’s nothing you can do to prevent it, it just happens. It’s natural. By now, you’ve most likely bought new jeans that are more in fashion and your old ones get pushed further and further into the back of your closet and you take them out less frequently. One day, when you’re getting ready for the day, you’ll find them again and realize you haven’t worn them in a really long time… unfortunately they just don’t fit anymore. It’s a little sad, a little disappointing, but not completely unexpected.

Yes, I just compared a relationship with a real, live man to a pair of blue jeans, but it totally makes sense… right? Regardless, this relationship was great for the time that it lasted. It was perfect for me at that point in my life. There wasn’t a fight that ended it, no love lost, it just gradually faded away [like a pair of jeans]. No harm, no foul. Sure, I’m a little sad that it’s over for the most part but I’ll always look back at it as a great thing, something I had fun with. Isn’t that the whole point anyways? Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some people come into your life to teach you something new or show you something completely outside of your norm. That’s what life is all about. Creating new experiences and reflecting on old ones.

I’m sure I’ll cross paths with him again [this area is only so big, you know] and I genuinely look forward to it. Why wouldn’t I? Great guy, great friend, and nothing but great memories. But for now, life goes one.

Ciao for now, lovelies.

Disclaimer: I’m not sad, depressed, or heart broken over this. Bible. I’m perfectly satisfied with my life and the direction it’s going. Besides, if I were sad, that’s what my girlfriends [and wine… and ice cream] are there for, right ladies?

 

Girl, you crazy

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crazy-girl-YouTubeAfter having a much needed girl date with one of my gal pals the other night, I finally realized why men think woman are crazy. BECAUSE WE ARE. Granted, some more than others, but we all have a little crazy buried deep down inside of our psyches. Relax… [take a sip of wine] I’m not saying we are certified crazy and need to be committed to a mental institution, capiche? Just hear me out…

I just noticed that when girls get together and start analyzing their relationships with men, things always go down hill and more wine is consumed than originally planned. But WHY?! Because we were born with two X chromosomes, that’s why!

Typically the conversation always begins with ‘how are things going with [insert-recent-hook-up’s-name-here]?‘ or ‘OMG! Do you remember that guy from way back when that I totally went out with?‘. This is when things go from good… to crazy. In our minds, before we discuss anything with our girls, we have a pretty good grasp on our current situation with whomever is lucky enough to be talking to, hooking up with, or dating us. But once our lovely gal pals start asking us questions like ‘where do you see this going?’ or ‘do you have feelings for him?’, we start to second guess ourselves. Then we start to over-analyze the situation. Woman are SO good at over analyzing simple situations! One second we’ve accepted the fact [and are perfectly satisfied] with the fact that the dude we’ve been texting is strictly a FWB, and the next second we are depressed and crying into our wine glass because we want a relationship with him [insert eye roll here].  The more we discuss it, the worse it gets and then someone ends up subscribing to match.com because we don’t want to die alone with a million cats.

Ladies, listen up. We are all guilty of this. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. At some point in our life, we’ve ALL over analyzed a situation that was clearly black and white. I know I’m guilty of it but you know what? I’m a girl. Over analyzing is built into my DNA [thanks a lot, genetics]. Woman are emotional little creatures. We can’t help it! Some woman are just better than others at hiding the crazy and acting like a lady.

That being said… after you and your girlfriends have talked in circles about something that clearly is out of your control, pull yourself together, put on some lipstick, and move on with your day. The likelihood of you dying alone and having a million cats is very slim [unless that’s your goal in life]. I’m a firm believer in things happen for a reason and what’s meant to be, will be [so cliché, I know]. If you’re satisfied with whatever situation you have going on with said FWB [or whatever you consider him to be], don’t let your girlfriends convince you otherwise. Granted, girlfriends are there to back you up and make sure you don’t get hurt, but stay true to yourself. Do whatever your little heart desires!

Fellas… I apologize for the fact that us women can get a little nuts sometimes and our emotions can sometimes get out of control. Just blame the fact that we weren’t born with a Y chromosome. Be accepting and remember ‘this too shall pass’.

Ciao for now!

 

Movie Dates

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movie-dateWhat is it with movie dates? Are we still in middle school? Sure, going to the movies with the cutie from math class was great when you were 14 and your parents dropped you off in their sweet minivan. My very first date was a movie date with my middle school boyfriend, Joel [hi!] and I’m pretty sure his dad sat a few rows in front of us [talk about romantic!]. At the time, it was the most exciting thing EVER! OMG… the cutest boy in the school wants to sit next to me for an extended period of time without talking?! Winning! I couldn’t even tell you what movie we saw because I was so nervous, I couldn’t think straight.

Once you’ve gone through puberty, however, movie dates are great if you’re with your girlfriends or if you’re in a well established relationship. The last thing I really want to do is sit in the dark with some stranger I barely know who keeps trying to hold my hand [thanks, but I think I’ll pass]. Don’t get me wrong, hand holding can be kind of sweet and innocent [unless you have sweaty palms] which can be a nice change from homeboy trying to get to home base within the first five minutes [Strike! You’re outta here!]. And what’s with guys putting their arm around a girl? Unless you’re significantly taller than I am, it’s quite uncomfortable and I know what you’re up to. Either you’re trying to cop a feel [not gonna happen] or trying to be suave and kiss me [also not gonna happen unless we’re 14 and making out in the back row]. But the only type of kiss you’re going to get is a Hershey kiss from the snack counter [sorry, bud].

Maybe I’m just hard to please [shocker!] but isn’t the point of going on dates to get to know each other? The only thing I get to know about you on a movie date is how much of a mouth breather you are [no bueno]. Personally, the only time a movie date is acceptable early on in the dating game, is when it’s a pity date. Harsh, I know, but I guarantee I’m not the only girl that’s done that. The plus side of a pity movie date is you don’t really have to talk at all [let alone look at each other] and it most likely made Joe-Schmoe’s day that much better [consider it a random act of kindness]. Hopefully the movie is entertaining enough where you can ignore the loud mouth breathing or the smell of stale popcorn.

What does a girl have to do to find a man who wants to have a fun date around here? Jeez!

Ciao for now!

Ex’s are ex’s for a reason

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getting-back-with-ex-meme1You know what kills me? When someone starts dating their ex again. Now I’m all about recycling because it’s good for the environment but recycling significant others is a big no-no in my book. I usually live by the rule ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try again‘ but not when it comes to ex’s. If you’re the one that was broken up with, I’m sure you’re absolutely devastated and have mascara permanently stained into your face from crying so much. So if your ex says he’s ready for a second go-around, you’re more than likely going to jump right back in without thinking. Big mistake, hunny child. Would you jump off a cliff without thinking about it first? Probably not. So here are the top ten reasons why you should never date you ex again:

1. You clearly broke up for a reason. Usually those reasons are pretty legit [like cheating, constant arguing, crabs]. If the reason was a deal breaker then, it’ll be a deal breaker in a few months, too.

2. Change is a good thing. Why keep repeating the same shit over and over again? Change is refreshing. Sure, being single again can suck but think of all the fun you can have!

3. You can’t undo the past. It’s unnecessary baggage. All the bullshit that you two have fought about before will rear it’s ugly head again. I promise.

4. It’s a rollar coaster ride. Don’t get me wrong… I love roller roasters but not when it comes to my love life. Who has time to worry about if you and your boo will be still be together in two weeks when you’ve already RSVP’d to your friend’s wedding? Not me.

5. You get to bone other people! A lot of girls out there worry about the fact that they will most likely end up sleeping with someone new so their ‘number‘ will be higher. OMG! IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD! Who cares? Shut up and go get laid. Enjoy yourself.

6. If he left you for another girl, he thought he could do better. Why would you want to be with someone who didn’t think you were the bomb.com? Because you are. Forget that loser!

7. It’s immature and indecisive. Now coming from someone who has serious commitment issues and cannot make any decision without having a mild panic attack, I’m sure this doesn’t mean a lot.  But seriously… make your decision and stick to you.

8. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Homeboy that just broke your heart is one of a million other homeboy’s and he’s clearly not the one for you [or you wouldn’t have broken up in the first place]. Go get your pole and go fishing. Hope you catch a big one!

9. It’s like reading the same book over and over again. You already know how the ending is [and it’s usually sucks]. Go find a new book. You won’t regret it.

10. It’s the worst idea ever. Seriously. I’d rather step in front of a moving train than date any of my ex’s ever again. Okay, some of them weren’t THAT bad so I’m being a little dramatic but you get the idea… Don’t do it.

Just a little food for thought… Ciao for now!!

The Disappearing Act

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magician-poof-disappearing-actI have a girlfriend [she’s a total babe for all you single fellas out there] who recently moved to DC and naturally entered into the dating scene. She’s three weeks in and she’s already caught onto what I like to call ‘The Disappearing Act‘.

This is when someone you have been talking to, sleeping with, playing tonsil hockey with, or doing whatever two single people do with each other just ups and disappears. No explanation. Just poof! Like magic! One minute you’re all hot and heavy and the next… silence. Get the picture? Okay, good.

Now I can’t speak for other places since I’ve only tried the dating scene in this fine city, but I feel like this happens on the reg. The first time it happened to me, my feelings were definitely hurt [yes, I do have feelings… sometimes]. After crying into my cheerios, I couldn’t help but think that maybe I was naive and didn’t know how dating actually worked outside of college but it still didn’t seem right to me. But my momma always told me ‘If at first you don’t succeed, you can dust it off and try again‘… wait. No. Aaliyah told me that [sorry, ma!].

So following Aaliyah’s advice, I tried again. Now after the third disappearing act I was just plain mad. How dare he not give me an explanation?! Who does he think he is?! I’ll show him what he’s missing! Eventually I got used to it and here I am two years later, still alive and kicking and still meeting a bunch of magicians. It wasn’t until I finally “disappeared” on someone that I totally understood the reasoning behind it.

Yes, folks, I’ve become a magician myself [but only during emergency situations… obviously]. Yes, I totally get that we are all adults and if we don’t like someone we can at least have the decency to tell them after we’ve gone out a few times. But why? What’s the point? Do you owe me anything? Do I owe YOU anything? Unless we’ve confessed our undying love for each other and I have a ring on my finger, absolutely not. If I’m really not feeling it with homeboy that I met at the bar on Friday night, I really don’t feel like taking the time to tell him the sparks are missing. Disappearing is easy and I feel like this generation loves easy things. Besides, one of the few times I have tried explaining that I just wasn’t into someone, he just couldn’t grasp the concept of ‘I’m just not that into you‘ so don’t think I haven’t tried!

Part of me is a little sad that I’ve become so tolerant to this kind of thing, and even more disappointed that I have done this to someone because I don’t enjoy being an asshole [but shit happens]. But the other part of me is totally fine with it. Okay, so Joe Shmoe doesn’t like me? Big deal. Am I going to lose sleep over it? Absolutely not. Sure, I may be annoyed when my newfound stud muffin doesn’t answer when I casually ask if he wants to grab a drink but guess what? For every one dude that turns me down, there’s two more waiting to ask me out [I’m sure Cosmo probably did a study on it or something].

So for all of you that have experienced something like this, don’t get your panties in a bunch. Brush it off and get on Tinder. I guarantee you’ll find someone who wants to talk to you on there.

Ciao for now lovelies!

I’m yelling tinder!

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wpid-Screenshot_2014-01-21-11-21-53-1.pngThis new phenomenon called Tinder is taking over the dating scene. However, I don’t know how much “dating” actually takes place between the Tinderellas and Tinderonis that are swiping day in and day out. It’s probably one of the most shallow activities I’ve ever participated in yet I can’t get enough of it! It’s something to do while sitting on the metro, wasting time on the porcelain throne, pretending to work out at the gym, or when you just can’t seem to fall asleep [forget counting sheep!]. I will probably develop arthritis in my thumb if I keep it up…. so much swiping! If you’re looking for Mr. Right you may want to forgo Tinder and join Match… or go to church [whatever works best for you] but it’s perfect if you’re looking for Mr. Right Now. Personally, I tinder for shits and giggles… I mean, why not? It’s definitely an ego booster when you get a match.

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Hallejulah! Someone finds me remotely attractive based on six random photos of myself [that my friends so lovingly picked for me]! I can finally get on with my day [just kidding]. Now the likelihood of me messaging the stud above is slim to none [because that would make way too much sense and I’m an irrational female] and I definitely won’t be holding my breath while waiting for a witty message from him. Gents, if you do message a girl, don’t ask her if she wants to “cuddle”. We all know what that means, and no, we don’t want to. Okay, well maybe some girls do [all the power to you girlfriend!]. At least buy me a drink before you try to take my pants off… Jeez.

Tinder also allows you to see how many friends you have in common on Facebook, if any, which allows you to Facebook stalk the cute boy thats nearby [sweet!]. This definitely plays a role in my decision to swipe right or left. Always remember, when in doubt, swipe left. I mean, do you really want to risk swiping right to the babe that’s Facebook friends with the crazy girl you used to be friendly with? No, you don’t… unless you’re me because YOLO [yes, I said YOLO. Get over it.]. So in that instance, I did swipe right against my better judgement because he is soOoOo dreamy [luckily nothing bad ever came of it].

Now Tinder isn’t all rainbows and butterflies… the one issue I have with it is that I can’t search for someone based on height. Sure, you may look good but how tall are you? How do you ask your new found stud muffin how tall he is without coming across as a total douche? Being 5’10, I need to know if I am going to tower over you when we meet up for HH after work, because you know I’ll be wearing heels which turns me into a 6’1 sasquatch with a pencil skirt. Tinder tip for all you single fellas: Put your height in your personal statement. Ladies love that shit. 

One plus to Tinder is that there is a plethora of options for you. I came across this gem during my swipe fest one day:

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The fact that someone like this was 5 miles from me makes me a little uneasy [sorry Joey!]…. Oh, and then there’s this type of guy:

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That’s a nice set of abs homeboy, but come on!  If I want to stare at picture perfect abs all day, I’ll hit up Google. At least Google won’t ask me to cuddle. And then there was this:

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It Aint what? Oh right… it aint happening. Next!

One way to spice things up is to let your friends Tinder for you… and it usually involves booze [obviously]. That’s what I like to do anyways. It makes for much more interesting matches and makes me feel like I’m living on the wild side… especially when I have tequila running through my veins. Just make sure your friends have your best interest at heart… otherwise you will end up with your roommate swiping right for EVERYONE [you know who you are!].

So to all you commitment-phobes [like myself] who like the casual dating scene, give it a shot. Make sure you stretch before hand. Your thumb is about to get a good workout. Happy hunting!

Ciao for now.