Fight or Flight

Fight_or_flight1In every relationship, there’s bound to be a conflict or two… or three or four [no judgement here!]. And if you say you and your amazing boyfriend never fight, you’re a big, fat LIAR [or one of you is being as fake as Kylie Jenner’s lips]. But when the inevitable arguement occurs between you and your lover, is it best to fight or take flight?

Just in case you two-legged mamals out there are not aware of what the fight-or-flight response is, here’s a little recap for you:

It’s a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival – like when you’re confronted with a bobcat.

  • PS. Bobcats may look cute and small… or like an oversized house cat but I can promise you, they’re vicious little fuckers. Just sayin…
  • PPS. I’ve never personally been confronted by a bobcat but that’s just the word on the streets…

Anywho…

It’s basically when that big muscle in your head, better known as THE BRAIN, reacts to danger by releasing some of your blood into your extremeities which causes us to lose the ability to think at a high operating level and we either fight, take flight and in some cases, freeze [kinda like a possum that plays dead].

Obviously, the conflict resolution success rate plummets when either of these reactions occur [or so they say]. However, if that’s how our bodies naturally react to confrontation, what the hell are we supposed to do about it?!

When it comes to my relationship, I’ll be the first to admit I grow a pair of wings and fly the hell out of dodge. Now when I was a young whipersnapper, I would always put on the boxing gloves and go to town [figuratively speaking, that is]. But in my old, wiser years, I’ve learned that fighting just doesn’t work. When does a resolution ever happen? Only when one of you gives up… or falls asleep.

When you take flight, however, it allows you an oppurtunity to physically remove yourself from the situation, clear your head and think rationally [yes, woman are capable of this ya big jerk]. Ask yourself a few questions:

Why am I even mad?

Am I overreacting?

Shit…Did I pay my cable bill today?

Damn, my nails look ratchet. I really should have gotten a mani yesterday.

 Is it really that big of a deal that he left his shoes by the door for the millionth time this week?

I find if you force the situation and don’t allow yourself time to cool down and take a deep breath, couples just keep fighting but never even know why they’re fighting in the first place [I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!! LOUD NOISES!!].

So go ahead and take a quick little flight but don’t stray for too long… Take a nap, a walk or mindlessly browse facebook for a little while until you cool down. Let the storm blow over and maybe a rainbow will appear… or just have makeup sex [whatever works best for you!].

Ciao for now!

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Stop looking, start living

images I know I’ve written about the rules of dating and things you should or shouldn’t do to be successful in love but you know what? It’s all BS.

Sometimes there comes a point in time where you just need to take a step back and reevaluate everything. I think I’ve reached that point recently and I’ve found that I’ve needed to remind myself of a few things…

Stop over analyzing things. Just go with the flow. Whats meant to be, will be. Stop worrying about where life is headed, just enjoy the moment you’re in. Stop looking and start living. Enjoy the little things in life and stop worrying about the things that don’t matter. Be yourself and love who you are. If you love yourself, others will love you back. Don’t try to mold yourself into something you’re not just because you may think that’s what others want.

Love your life and the people in it. If you’re not happy, make a change. Take a leap of faith. You don’t like where you live? Move. Hate your job? Quit. If you find that the people in your life are holding you back or aren’t conducive to what you need, trim the fat. Do what makes you happy. Who cares if other’s don’t approve? This is your life – not theirs.

Take a moment to look up from your phone and actually enjoy your surroundings. Talk to people . Smile at the stranger sitting across from you on the metro. Don’t be afraid to do things alone (there’s something extremely satisfying about riding solo sometimes). Don’t take the little things for granted.

Life is too short to worry so much. Take a second to think about all the wonderful things and people in your life and stop focusing on the not-so-ideal things.

Is there a secret to being happy? No. Just do it. Sure, it’s much easier said than done on occasion. Accept the fact that there will be good days and there will be bad days – that’s part of life. Have a positive outlook. A wise friend keeps reminding me that positive thoughts attract positive actions and she is right. Life is all about what you make of it. 

 Just a little food for thought… Ciao for now!

Rules of Dating

imagesAs most of you know, I’m a single gal who has dabbled in the dating world over the past few years. My first date experiences have ranged from something out of a movie, mediocre, to a complete disaster… but there’s always a good story to tell my friends afterwards. I have definitely learned a few things, the do’s and don’ts, if you will, of dating. Please do not take my suggestions as being the answer to all your problems [I’m not a damn magician] but hey, stranger things have happened.

Rule #1. Get enough sleep because dating EXHAUSTING. Not only do you have to worry about whether your hair looks good or your makeup isn’t running off your face [this heat and humidity is going to be the death of me], but you also have to worry about whether the stud muffin you’re meeting at the bar is going to like you [and if you say you don’t care what other people think, you’re a big, fat liar] or not. I bet dating would be so much easier if I were Beyoncé because, let’s be real here, who the eff doesn’t like Beyoncé [and if you don’t, GTFO!]. Her hair and makeup always look fabulous regardless of the temperature outside… Why was I not born as Beyoncé [thanks a lot, mom!]?!

Ok, I’m done feeling sorry for myself for the time being… Where was I?

I never used to get nervous about first dates. Never ever ever.  A few years ago, I was totally blasé [I sound so fancy!] about first dates… just about to meet with a prospective soul-mate, no big deal. No pressure whatsoever. But now? OH MY GOD. You would think the world was coming to an end [I’m not dramatic at all… obviously]. I run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR? I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR [as my closet door won’t even close because the mass quantities of fabric spilling out of it]! Oh, and don’t let me forget to mention that one time I left all my makeup at the office… and didn’t realize it until after I had rid my face of my day-time war paint [always want a fresh face, you know!]. Talk about a crisis… thank goodness there is a CVS on every corner. By the time I was dressed and had purchased new make-up [which I applied in my car five minutes after I was supposed to meet him], I was ready for a nap. I literally felt like I had just ran a half-marathon [not a full one because that’s just unrealistic]. So as I said, be well rested. You don’t want to be falling asleep in your beer.

Rule #2. Pick a meeting spot that is easily accessible, in public, and won’t be so congested you can’t even hear yourself think. Generally, picking a bar that is so loud you can’t hear your own thoughts isn’t a good idea since you’re supposed to converse with the babe sitting across from you [unless just staring at each other is your cup of tea]. Of course there are other meeting spots besides a casual bar but I definitely suggest you avoid meeting in movie theaters, deserted parking lots, cemeteries, or your mother’s house.

Rule #3. Engage each other in conversation. Don’t just talk about yourself. I’m sure your life is absolutely fascinating but so is mine. Ask questions, discover what you have in common [if anything], get to know each other.  I’d rather talk to a cat all night than listen to you brag about your awesome life and I don’t even like cats.

Rule #4. Do not, under any circumstances, talk about your ex. This should be self-explanatory.

Rule #5. Limit your phone use. Back in the day, I would say don’t even take your phone out but nowadays, I don’t think that’s realistic [I mean, how else am I supposed to Google the answers to the trivia questions?]. That being said, texting and phone calls are 100% off limits. Oh, I’m sorry… am I boring you? Yes, please, text your friend because it must be soooo important. I’m going home now!

But what about the ‘rules’ I haven’t figured out yet? For example, do you kiss on the first date? If he doesn’t kiss you, does that mean he wasn’t digging you? Should you text your date immediately after you leave to let them know you had an awesome time? Do you wait 24 hours? What if they don’t text you at all? Is that a bad sign [I thought it went so well!]? That what-if’s are exhausting… and now I need another nap.

Ciao for now!

 

What’s the rush?

image

Wedding season is stronger than ever right now and I can’t help but think…. what’s the rush?

I’m surrounded by twenty-somethings tying the knot… I’m sure you’re thinking “here we go again…. she’s preaching about how being single is soooo awesome”… wrong!  Good try though…. but even if you are thinking that, it most likely means you’ve been reading my blog so high five, my friend! Keep on making good life decisions!

But seriously, what’s the rush? Aren’t our twentys the time in life to be carefree? Sure, the majority of us have big kid jobs, pay bills, have responsibilities [you know, all that boring adult stuff] but does that mean we have to have a ring on our finger too? Or [dare I mention] start having little mini-me’s? Some days it’s hard enough taking care of myself and keeping all my own ducks in a row… I can’t even imagine having a husband [or a child] to worry about as well!

Maybe it’s just me but the only thing I can commit to at this point in my life is a gel manicure that lasts about two weeks [and sometimes that even makes me panic] but the idea of being married at the ripe old age of 25 makes my stomach churn just a tad. Please do not confuse my strong negative reaction towards marriage as the same reaction towards relationships. Quite the contrary. If you find another human being that you genuinely want to spend the majority of your time with, who just happens to give you butterflies, go for it! Being in love or dating someone new is so exciting… but yet again… do you really need a ring on your finger to enjoy that?

Stop and smell the roses [unless you’re allergic], take the scenic route, take a pit stop… do whatever. We have the rest of our lives to settle down.

Go travel the world, do something adventurous, live a little. I can’t even tell you how many couples I know who got married straight out of college or soon thereafter who are either completely miserable or already divorced. Take the time to grow and mature before taking such a huge step towards forever. Didn’t your mother always tell you good things come to those who wait? If you’re in a relationship now and you’re feeling pressure from friends or family on taking the next step with your beau, tell them to kick rocks. Enjoy your twentys, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Be young and wild and free!

Ciao for now!

The Fade Effect

fadeHow do you deal with a breakup that’s not really a break up because you were never actually dating each other? I recently found myself in this predicament… It was the type of relationship [and I’m using that term very loosely] that’s kind of like a really nice pair of blue jeans.

When you first see them in the store, you’re intrigued. Then you try them on and you realize they make your ass look fantastic so obviously you have to bring them home with you. Those jeans become your favorite pair of pants and you want to wear them all the time. They get worn in and even more comfortable and your ass still looks fantastic in them. For about a year [give or take], these jeans are your go-to. When all other outfits let you down, you know those jeans are there. They never disappoint and you’re always satisfied with your outfit while wearing them. You know those jeans like the back of your hand. Every stain, tear, and imperfection is familiar to you. Gradually, these jeans will start to fade. There’s nothing you can do to prevent it, it just happens. It’s natural. By now, you’ve most likely bought new jeans that are more in fashion and your old ones get pushed further and further into the back of your closet and you take them out less frequently. One day, when you’re getting ready for the day, you’ll find them again and realize you haven’t worn them in a really long time… unfortunately they just don’t fit anymore. It’s a little sad, a little disappointing, but not completely unexpected.

Yes, I just compared a relationship with a real, live man to a pair of blue jeans, but it totally makes sense… right? Regardless, this relationship was great for the time that it lasted. It was perfect for me at that point in my life. There wasn’t a fight that ended it, no love lost, it just gradually faded away [like a pair of jeans]. No harm, no foul. Sure, I’m a little sad that it’s over for the most part but I’ll always look back at it as a great thing, something I had fun with. Isn’t that the whole point anyways? Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some people come into your life to teach you something new or show you something completely outside of your norm. That’s what life is all about. Creating new experiences and reflecting on old ones.

I’m sure I’ll cross paths with him again [this area is only so big, you know] and I genuinely look forward to it. Why wouldn’t I? Great guy, great friend, and nothing but great memories. But for now, life goes one.

Ciao for now, lovelies.

Disclaimer: I’m not sad, depressed, or heart broken over this. Bible. I’m perfectly satisfied with my life and the direction it’s going. Besides, if I were sad, that’s what my girlfriends [and wine… and ice cream] are there for, right ladies?

 

Girl, you crazy

crazy-girl-YouTubeAfter having a much needed girl date with one of my gal pals the other night, I finally realized why men think woman are crazy. BECAUSE WE ARE. Granted, some more than others, but we all have a little crazy buried deep down inside of our psyches. Relax… [take a sip of wine] I’m not saying we are certified crazy and need to be committed to a mental institution, capiche? Just hear me out…

I just noticed that when girls get together and start analyzing their relationships with men, things always go down hill and more wine is consumed than originally planned. But WHY?! Because we were born with two X chromosomes, that’s why!

Typically the conversation always begins with ‘how are things going with [insert-recent-hook-up’s-name-here]?‘ or ‘OMG! Do you remember that guy from way back when that I totally went out with?‘. This is when things go from good… to crazy. In our minds, before we discuss anything with our girls, we have a pretty good grasp on our current situation with whomever is lucky enough to be talking to, hooking up with, or dating us. But once our lovely gal pals start asking us questions like ‘where do you see this going?’ or ‘do you have feelings for him?’, we start to second guess ourselves. Then we start to over-analyze the situation. Woman are SO good at over analyzing simple situations! One second we’ve accepted the fact [and are perfectly satisfied] with the fact that the dude we’ve been texting is strictly a FWB, and the next second we are depressed and crying into our wine glass because we want a relationship with him [insert eye roll here].  The more we discuss it, the worse it gets and then someone ends up subscribing to match.com because we don’t want to die alone with a million cats.

Ladies, listen up. We are all guilty of this. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. At some point in our life, we’ve ALL over analyzed a situation that was clearly black and white. I know I’m guilty of it but you know what? I’m a girl. Over analyzing is built into my DNA [thanks a lot, genetics]. Woman are emotional little creatures. We can’t help it! Some woman are just better than others at hiding the crazy and acting like a lady.

That being said… after you and your girlfriends have talked in circles about something that clearly is out of your control, pull yourself together, put on some lipstick, and move on with your day. The likelihood of you dying alone and having a million cats is very slim [unless that’s your goal in life]. I’m a firm believer in things happen for a reason and what’s meant to be, will be [so cliché, I know]. If you’re satisfied with whatever situation you have going on with said FWB [or whatever you consider him to be], don’t let your girlfriends convince you otherwise. Granted, girlfriends are there to back you up and make sure you don’t get hurt, but stay true to yourself. Do whatever your little heart desires!

Fellas… I apologize for the fact that us women can get a little nuts sometimes and our emotions can sometimes get out of control. Just blame the fact that we weren’t born with a Y chromosome. Be accepting and remember ‘this too shall pass’.

Ciao for now!

 

Movie Dates

movie-dateWhat is it with movie dates? Are we still in middle school? Sure, going to the movies with the cutie from math class was great when you were 14 and your parents dropped you off in their sweet minivan. My very first date was a movie date with my middle school boyfriend, Joel [hi!] and I’m pretty sure his dad sat a few rows in front of us [talk about romantic!]. At the time, it was the most exciting thing EVER! OMG… the cutest boy in the school wants to sit next to me for an extended period of time without talking?! Winning! I couldn’t even tell you what movie we saw because I was so nervous, I couldn’t think straight.

Once you’ve gone through puberty, however, movie dates are great if you’re with your girlfriends or if you’re in a well established relationship. The last thing I really want to do is sit in the dark with some stranger I barely know who keeps trying to hold my hand [thanks, but I think I’ll pass]. Don’t get me wrong, hand holding can be kind of sweet and innocent [unless you have sweaty palms] which can be a nice change from homeboy trying to get to home base within the first five minutes [Strike! You’re outta here!]. And what’s with guys putting their arm around a girl? Unless you’re significantly taller than I am, it’s quite uncomfortable and I know what you’re up to. Either you’re trying to cop a feel [not gonna happen] or trying to be suave and kiss me [also not gonna happen unless we’re 14 and making out in the back row]. But the only type of kiss you’re going to get is a Hershey kiss from the snack counter [sorry, bud].

Maybe I’m just hard to please [shocker!] but isn’t the point of going on dates to get to know each other? The only thing I get to know about you on a movie date is how much of a mouth breather you are [no bueno]. Personally, the only time a movie date is acceptable early on in the dating game, is when it’s a pity date. Harsh, I know, but I guarantee I’m not the only girl that’s done that. The plus side of a pity movie date is you don’t really have to talk at all [let alone look at each other] and it most likely made Joe-Schmoe’s day that much better [consider it a random act of kindness]. Hopefully the movie is entertaining enough where you can ignore the loud mouth breathing or the smell of stale popcorn.

What does a girl have to do to find a man who wants to have a fun date around here? Jeez!

Ciao for now!